3 Reasons Your Employee is Treating You With Disrespect – Small Business Coaching


Hi there! If you’ve got an employee, they’re just driving you crazy because they are disrespecting you, you may want to listen carefully because I’m going to give you three reasons why your employee is treating you with disrespect. My name is Rich Grof and I’m a Performance Sales Coach. We specialize in Business Development and Leadership, and I want to let you know that there’s a great reason, there’s good reason, why your employee is turning around and treating you the way they’re treating you. So let’s talk about some of the basics and see if you can kind of figure it out for yourself and maybe get some actions on what you need to do. Now, the first problem that we run into with this, and this happens a lot, we’ve actually encountered this many many times in all sizes of business, is that there is a dysfunctional, if you will, leadership thing that’s happening. So the person that walked in the door is actually what we call them an “immature leader”, but they believe they understand how leadership should work. So they look at you and they say “well you’re not the leader I expect you to be”, and therefore they disrespect you. Disrespecting a leader is a number-one thing that can actually cause a disconnection, if you will, between employee and the owner of the company. So, what do you do to fix that? Well there’s different ways you have to put people in their place, if you will, very calmly and coolly, but the number one thing that you’re not going to do is try and be nice to them, because that doesn’t work, and number two, you don’t want to be bad to them either, you just want to be very firm and very much you know ,take the challenge on and tell them directly what you’re thinking, you know, and so that they are put in their place if you will and you may feel a little bit harsh for you to do that, but you’ll find that they will respond to that in a healthy manner. Now what if they don’t respond well? That’s where number two comes in. Number two is that they could have really bad habits. Now if they’ve got bad habits that they’ve established in the past and they use bully tactics to get what they want in life, they’re going to come in to your place of business and they’re going to try and pull you because it works in every other area of your life. A good indicator that this is happening is everybody in the store if you will or in your business, is now walking around on eggshells because they don’t want to tick off this employee. If that happens bully tactics are present and it’s a really great indicator that that individual needs to be reformed. So the best thing that you can do there, is to turn around and actually write them up, and start what I call it a “Progressive Performance Improvement”, and so you have to identify with them that their behavior is substandard and you have to let them know exactly what good behavior looks like. If they’re turning around barking at everybody that comes in their department or ask someone to do something that’s when the within the normal context of your business, your job is to let them know that they don’t have the right to bark, bitch or complain. They don’t get paid to bark, bitch or complain. Just saying it straight up. And your job is really to help them understand that. Now, in the event that you actually set parameters and you start to work towards that, they may actually, and you might get a coach for them, you might turn along and get them therapy, I don’t know whatever it is, but you get them the help that they need to make the transition. If they choose not to get that help, it will end the relationship, and they know it in advance. So this is not a negotiable type of thing. It doesn’t matter how good they are at their job, they cannot turn around and bully up people around them because it’ll kill productivity all array around the organization. So no, it’s not, it’s not something that’s going to happen. Matter of fact it’s actually one of the things that actually causes a good person, skill wise, you know to actually lose a job often is because you don’t get along with people they’ve never been taught how to play with people properly. So that’s number two. Now on the other part is, that they just may have a real big problem with authority. They may have had a leader in the past that use what I call “Hostile Leadership Tactics”, and aggressively manipulated them. So, therefore their perspective on leadership is very tainted, and so if that’s the case it will take a little while to win them over. Again, you’re still going to have to be using some remedial response to them to help them improve their performance, but you have to let them know that you’re not like the other leader, because they’ll expect you to respond just like the other leaders and treat them with abuse, and if you’re not that person you will get treated like past people have treated them, and that’s the way it’s going to work. So it’s probably going to be one of those three things that’s going to cause your client (or pardon me) your staff member to actually cause those but watch fur walking around an egg-shell feelings, watch for harsh comments or real disrespect, people walking out of meetings those types of things indicate one of those three things are happening and now you get a little context of what you need to do to actually get this back on track. If you’re struggling with this go ahead, pop some comments down below, sign up for channel, I’ve lots of information about leadership, but just know, you’re not alone, it does happen and it is correctable and a lot of times you can get a really great employee out of it and sometimes you have to part ways but that’s the way it goes, but I find it you know nine times up ten most people want to work, and they want to do a great job it’s just all the other stuff gets in the way let’s see if we can help them out. My name is Rich Grof, I run Rich Grof Performance Sales Coaching and Leadership Development. We’re a company that’s dedicated to small business success and if you’re interested in any more information, leave your comments and would love to talk to you again.

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24 thoughts on “3 Reasons Your Employee is Treating You With Disrespect – Small Business Coaching

  1. Hi Rich – my problem is having a sub-ordinate who works on the same team with her husband and she has this superiority complex. She deliberately withholds information from me which impacts on my ability to help the team, and makes everyone have to go to her. She has also manipulated a younger co-worker to side with her, and they both try to 'manage' me even though I have more experience. I have gone to my superiors but they don't seem to want to get involved in what they call administration issues but did agree that we have to job share. However, they are only sharing information between themselves and leaving me out of training that I should be involved in as the senior of team. I feel disrespected by management due to being trained incorrectly for several months doing the job of several people in a workload heavy environment, and struggling with that as anyone would, but they made me feel like I was incompetent. When they realized the workload required more staff they made sure they got complete training without disturbance (which I never got), and so they had a chance to flourish and become the golden girls. They have now taken this to the next level and are acting like they are my boss even though I have 20 yrs experience on them. I am however, made to feel that if I didn't co-operate via management terms then I would be the one shown the door as I am the senior and on a higher wage. It's quite complicated but I hope you get the idea. Any suggestions would be great. Yes I have looked for work elsewhere for a long time but the employment market is not great.

  2. Progressive Performance Improvement only works if the final stage of the process results in the termination of the toxic employee. I work for a state agency and no one ever gets fired – HR refuses to allow firings because they are afraid of lawsuits. Any other suggestions?

  3. I manage a millennial men in a mgmt position. He is a DISC type C – expects perfection and thinks poorly of things don’t go as plan.
    He walks out of meetings, he is disrespectful to levels of Sr Management. His perspective is tainted and he thinks we are all just sitting back on the gravy train.
    His body language is so loud no one can miss his distain or above you mentality. I am an easy going manager but now I’m afraid I will bluntly tell him to cut the crap.
    He wants to be a Director, like yesterday. He doesn’t see that he is standing in the way of his own growth potential.
    I need guidance on how to start the conversation with him. What zinger should be said to give him a wake up call?

  4. The problem I have is that; I work at a movie job, first job!

    Basically, I finished training a week or three ago, and one of our workers keeps treating me as if I dont know what I'm doing, even though, im doing what I learned through training, mainly during the theatre cleaning shifts, she literally gets mad and makes remarks to me that seems really toxic torward me, which I think in my head and not even say "Could you not?" Because seriously, I've considered quitting, but it's my first job, and I need to learn to go through this, but I'd need some help with this.

  5. 2:29, exactly what I needed to hear. I may not be a boss, but I am an evening supervisor, I need to be treated with respect, it's so hard to get that with a young working team: 21 years old and younger, fast food service, can you believe it -_- Thank you for the video.

  6. I run my own business but my employee is somewhat disrespectful and tends to get the upper hand and I really want the tables to turn…. More coaching please

  7. I believe respect is something you have to earn. not just get because you're a manager… what if a manager is disrespectful to his employees? he is not paid to do this either, but still gets away with it because he is the manager…. difficult issue. I work for 10 years in an office, since 2 years we have a new manager and things are really getting bad…. not a fine place to work anymore. good people have left already.

  8. Rich, thanks for the video. I own a small music school and employ 4 teachers. I've noticed over the years that the nicer I am to the teachers the worse they treat me. I pay them half of tuition I get from students. My expenses: commercial rent, liability and worker comp insurances, advertising/marketing costs, monthly tuning/maintaining pianos, supplies, cleaning expenses, administrative work and lots of my personal time to resolve issues with clients. To them I'm someone who takes half of their money. I think no matter what you do you'll simply just be always disliked because you're the owner.

  9. I've got an employee who has made 3 people quit, talks trash to all co-workers, bullies there way around people and has even threatened my life, and when i went to my boss and then my bosses boss they both told me to "deal with it" do you have any advice?

  10. Everyone is expendable and if there is a poison in your work area you need to cut the poison out. It is bad for business to have that type of person in your the work/ – business
    There is a fine line and people will abuse you and start to take over your role

  11. I order Frys today and the lady was calling the number 214 I was 213 and she got mad bc she was calling me but those are two different numbers and she was disrespectful to me and my friend

  12. Had to deal with one and did everything you mentioned but sometimes you have an employee who is not motivated and want to do the job.

    There are dead seeds out there who just want to leech the company, so even if you put all the support out there along with the other resources they can have so they can excel.

    It will just be a waste of time and energy where you are better off finding someone who wants and deserve the opportunity

  13. Hi Rich, nice video. I've read some of the responses you left on the comments here. It doesn't pertain much to the following comment, but I have to commend you for how you've fielded some of these questions. You're skilled at facilitating respectful conversation.

    I wonder if a part of the problem is that many managers see themselves as "leaders." As far as I can tell–and you know more about this than I do–the terms "leader" and "leadership" carry a lot of baggage. Given the actual responsibilities of management, this baggage may be unnecessary. In fact, it seems like identifying oneself as a "leader" can, in some cases, encourage certain toxic management practices. (You may have referenced these practices in the "traumatizing" managers portion of this video.)

    Could it be that if managers thought of themselves more as "coordinators" than as "leaders," we would have fewer problems with managerial abuse and perhaps even "managerial ego?"

  14. You embrace dysfunctional management styles. You're generalising a complex issue in the work place. So if you have a bullying manager then it's a case of just putting up and shutting up?

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