Uh-oh… CharlieHarperSucks.com… That’s got to be a different Charlie Harper. Okay. I have a bad feeling. Oh boy. Oh man. Oh crap. Are you still reading that thing? How can I not? It’s an entire website devoted to trashing me. Listen to this. ‘Has anybody had sex with Charlie where he actually bothered to take his socks off?’ That’s just mean. I have bad circulation in my feet, they get cold. And check this out. Some girl posted audio off her answering machine. * beep * Hey, it’s me. I just wanted to tell you I had a great time last night and I’m looking forward- Hello, Charlie? Yeah. Hi! We weren’t together last night. Eeeh… Allison? No… Beth. Thursday. I had a great time with you Thursday and I thought- Oh, Alan, what am I gonna do? Every woman in the city can see this stuff. Every woman in the world. God… ‘Frequently Asked Questions’… Don’t read that. Yeah right. Eh, okay. Question: ‘how long can you expect to date Charlie after you have sex with him?’ Answer: ‘it depends how late you sleep the next morning’ Oh, come on, this is funny. You’re just too close to it. Oh, this could be interesting. Question: ‘how does Charlie manage to fake MY orgasm?’ Okay, stop. Move over. What are you doing? I’ve got to fight back. Anybody can post on the message board, so why not me? You’re gonna post as yourself? Don’t be ridiculous, everybody uses a screen name. ‘Charlie_Freak_219’… Too many? Charlie_Freak_180. In my experience… Charlie has always… been a generous lover… compassionate, fun-Ioving and sensitive. There. That ought to bring a little balance to the conversation. You really don’t get the internet, do you? Oh, look! I’ve got a response already. ‘Dear Freak’… ‘Are you just stupid or did your skull bounce off his headboard too many times?’ Okay, I’ve had enough of this. How do I delete this whole thing? You can’t delete a website. The only person who can delete it, is the person who created it. Well, how do I find out who created it? Now, let’s see. Okay, eh… Okay, the domain is the property of a company in the Cayman Islands called… ‘Charlie Harper Sucks Ltd’ That’s no help. Hey, you can buy T-shirts and coffee mugs! Add to cart… Did I ever apologize to you? You mean, for our one-night stand that kind of, sort of broke my heart? Yeah, for that. No, not really. Okay, well… I am truly sorry. You’re a wonderful person and you deserve better. Thank you, Charlie. That’s sweet. I mean it. What’s that? Oh, this is one of those new web browser, e-mail gadgets. Cool.